Girls ... well I tell you that earlier this month I learned that my boyfriend's HDP (now ex) was messaging with another woman. I really don't want to bore you with the very long story of how I realized and how we ended up. I prefer to focus on telling you how I feel right now ... because the truth is that I am very bad.
Note: This experience, I must accept and confess that it changed me from one day to another. All my illusions, experiences and time by his side feel that they were false. That is why beyond venting with you, my intention in writing what really comes from my heart in case you have also been through the same and thus, identify and cuddle with each other. I think that the best and the healthiest therapy will always be to express our emotions without trying to make them up.
I feel ugly
Knowing that I was changing for another, completely trampled my security.
I don't trust ... not even my parents
From one day to the next I feel as if my brain has been on the defensive of everything and everyone.
I lost the laugh ... all the time I feel in the "limbo"
There are times when I am just thinking "I feel bad" and the minutes and even hours go by without understanding or paying attention to anyone. Even if I see memes, I don't laugh.
I take off with others
I feel that all this has created me a lot of anger, it makes me want to scream and cry from one moment to another.
I feel vulnerable
I am at a point where anyone could destroy me if I wanted to.
I have anxiety
I have thoughts that repeat over and over again. I believe stories that are not real and I can't control them. I can't stop thinking and that feeds my anxiety more.
Any song makes me sick
It's frustrating because now I can't even listen to Ed Sheeran (my favorite artist) ... that bothers me, a lot.
I can hardly control my desire to look for him and beg him
There are times when I am stupidly about to look for it. I do not know if it is possibly because my brain thinks that I will be the “before”… it is confusing.
I'm afraid I can't get over it
What if I stayed like this all my life and never managed to be that happy girl I had always thought I was?
I feel like I'm going crazy
I feel tired, mentally exhausted, extremely sensitive, etc.
Inside me I know that at some point I will feel better ... and I am sure that you will too. In fact these days I have come to the conclusion that feeling like this is completely normal and we just need to relax a little and let things adjust, how? Focusing on living more in the present and trying to distract our attention thinking about the future or the past. I hope this advice and post serve you.
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